Recently, I have been exposed to music... Ya, I sound as if I've been living in the jungles but I couldn't concentrate if music is on.... I was at my students' performance last Friday where they were at their bestest, impressing the audience... They make me misses my er hu... The video I stumbled upon makes me misses my piano.... Somehow, I regret for not continuing my piano lessons and dumping my er hu after my degree....
There are so many great musicians out there... My ambition when I was a little girl is to be a musician but I venture into my second ambition instead... Hence, I could only be audience to great performances and would never get to be part of those making the performances successful...
It has been a long 3 months plus, struggling, getting my thesis done which is yet to finish.. I wish to quit, terminate myself, stop writing and move on.... I have no idea why I don't find myself interested in the study of my own choice.... I would rather spend time doing other stuff like marking students' assignment, preparing for my teaching and not writing... Relaxing is also something I love to do, I could watch movies I like over and over again until I could actually remember the dialogues... I am in deep shit, am I not? My temper is turning from bad to worse, I couldn't control it anymore... I can only coax myself by saying I am almost there, 2 more chapters and that's it...
Would I lead a different life if I chose music? Would I be experiencing more joyful moments if I chose music? Would I be less stressful if I chose music? Would I be a happier person if I chose music? I will never know the answer.......................... I know, I should be grateful with what I have, yes, no doubt, my life has been treating me well except for some hiccups which can't be avoided...
Perhaps, I should spend more time here, complaining, finding my own voice.... I find speaking to people is no longer useful as I hate talking... I don't seem to be able to keep a conversation long enough.... Sigh~
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