Weight Issue

The pressure to be skinny

A Different Spin
By JO-JO STRUYS

Women suffering in silence with their eating disorders.

WHEN I started working in KL, I used to have a standard order at every mamak stall: “Boss, lima roti canai, terima kasih!”

My friends thought I was ordering too much for everyone but I was actually ordering only for myself. They were even more astonished when I finished the whole stack.

“Wow, for a model, you can really eat!”

With comments like that, I truly thought there was nothing wrong with me but I was wrong. It started disturbing me that every foot reflexologist I visited used to make me jump out of my chair at the same point. It was always the stomach!

As it turns out, I had a brush with something called the binge eating disorder without even realising it. A lot of us overeat at special occasions. That’s acceptable. But, if it’s a regular occurrence, it’s a problem.

If you’re the sort to eat until you’re uncomfortably full and are guilty or upset about it afterwards, chances are that you might have this, too. I used to keep snacking even though I was already so full.

The binge eating disorder is so prevalent that it’s the most common eating disorder in the United States. People who have it don’t want to be overweight. But, once food is present, they cannot control themselves. I stumbled on a book about it and literally “cured” myself when I was done reading it. Once I understood it, I broke free of it.

Moderation was something that came naturally once I started listening to my body. It became the most liberating thing to be eating anything I felt like eating without overdoing it or feeling a shred of guilt about it (gone are the days of ordering such an excessive number of roti canai). But, how did I even fall into this? It would have to be when I first started modelling years ago.

I was in an industry driven by looks and models were constantly under pressure to maintain their waistlines. When the world keeps featuring skinny, glamourous figures, it’s no wonder women start thinking that “skinny = beautiful”.

It wasn’t always like this. Supermodels like Cindy Crawford and Linda Evangelista were never bone skinny in the 1980s. Marilyn Monroe with all her glorious curves was the benchmark of femininity and sex appeal in the 1950s. So, how did society change its mind about what’s beautiful?

Well, a dangerous trend was set in motion with the emergence of the “waif” look in 1993 which launched Kate Moss’ career. Emaciated models in stupor like poses with that blank, drug addicted look became all the rage in the 1990s. This drew criticism from anti-drug groups and former US President Bill Clinton for glamourising such ultra thin bodies.

When the waif look went mainstream, it spread like a plague, infecting the minds of women trying to achieve this near impossible ideal. What society deemed attractive started to deeply affect how women viewed themselves.

Dieting was taken to extremes and eating disorders mushroomed round the world with anorexia ranked one of the highest mortality rates of any mental disorder. According to the American Psychological Association, eight million Americans suffer from an eating disorder of some sort and about 90% of them are female. In Britain, the British Medical Association called for the media to show more realistic body shapes because the rise in eating disorders was reaching unacceptable levels.

There was a girl in my modelling agency who had three grains of rice and an apple the whole day before she blacked out on a shoot.

She ate a hot meal in front of the clients just to dispel fears that she was suffering from anorexia. Incredibly, she finished the job but was so guilt ridden by the meal that she ran up and down the stairwell of her apartment, just to work it off. She collapsed midway and was later admitted to hospital.

Like many girls with anorexia, starving the body can lead to damage to the heart and major organs. Luckily, she survived but her self-esteem did not. Her old modelling agency stopped calling her for jobs because she was no longer skinny enough for the catwalk.

The deceptive part was that most women who had eating disorders were not rail thin. Anorexia is not the only disorder out there. Bulimics could be normal in weight or slightly overweight so they went undetected, easily hiding their condition. I had a real-life insight into the heart-wrenching darkness of bulimia through women who looked beautiful on the outside, yet were so physically and emotionally battered on the inside.

Against the backdrop of the glitz and glam of showbiz, I discovered what you see isn’t always what you get. On one of my first fashion shoots in Australia, I became close friends with a model who turned heads everywhere she went just walking down the street. Her body had curves in all the right places so I had no idea she was suffering from bulimia. Unlike people with a binge eating disorder, bulimics vomit the contents of their meals after binging which may occur as often as several times a day in severe cases. She once binged on all the potato crisps in her house, three tubs of ice cream left in the freezer and bars of chocolate that would normally last weeks in anyone’s fridge, all in one night.

Driven by guilt and shame, she purged till she was coughing up blood caused by a tear in her esophagus. Her knuckles got scratched up and her throat was so sore, she was croaking the next day. It was frightening.

She asked if I could take her to the pharmacy. Naively, I thought she was seeking medication for her throat. To my horror, I discovered she was buying laxatives because it was too painful for her to purge anymore. She took more than 10 in one shot trying to remove the food from her body, one way or the other. Despite being so outwardly beautiful, it’s quite tragic that my friend was constantly feeling inadequate and not attractive enough.

It reassures me that several countries have started banning images of women who are skin and bones. It’s also a good sign that stars like Beyonce are showing off all their curves without conforming to the skinny stereotype. However, the malnourished waif look has not been fully flushed out of our systems. If the media created interest in this look to begin with, then they’re the only ones able to reverse it by being socially responsible with what they put out.

My heart goes out to women who are suffering in silence with their eating disorders. Seek help. If you are too afraid to talk to anyone about it, then start educating yourself through the Internet. You will realise you are never alone. There’s a wealth of information online and women sharing their stories about what they went through and how they got well again.

> Jojo Struys is a model, TV host and producer. If you would like to hear more of her thoughts, please visit her blog at jojostruys.com

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/9/20/nation/7063786&sec=nation

p/s: i m very disturbed with my physical outlook now-people near and far have been telling me how much weight i gain.. i realize that, i can see my obvious muffin top, and thanks to those who are constantly reminding me... the result of eating normally & sitting for long hours is gaining a few kgs-just 1 or 2 kgs and the fats appear to make me look extremely plump... i'm back to the torture chamber- yoga class (and it's aching-my back, my leg, hands), cut down the number of meals from 3 to 2-shall see how it goes... sigh~

damn, after study stress, now i have weight stress-when will i be stress free???